When I started Hoonzee I found myself attending more events and taking more and more pictures, of cars. About that time it dawned on me that I should find a place to store these pictures so everyone in the world can enjoy my fine photographership and leave happy comments about how my pictures lifted their spirits and generally enriched their lives.

So I joined Instagram. Instagram is a photo sharing platform where you can put pictures “on the line”. I started snapping away but generally didn’t get any of the comments I was hoping for, or any comments at all for that matter. But I did get a few likes; particularly when I uploaded this pic.


I was excited to see who was liking my photos, so after a few swipes I was greeted with their Names and Photos. I was instantly surprised. Not only was this photo popular, it had also tapped into what can only be described as the “hot young european womens” market.

I was quite chuffed about this, finding kindred souls all over the world who share an appreciation for old 90s muscle cars. So I looked at their profiles a bit closer and I was astonished at the kind of “talent” this photo was attracting. I then discovered that all of these car loving ladies had their own website. I thought it was only polite to in turn visit their website.

It seemed all was not as I so innocently thought. First off I doubt these ladies are into cars at all. When I clicked on their website I expected a blog referring their love of fashion, kittens and cars but instead I was greeted by a full screen video of a lonely young woman from the waist down. I knew she was lonely because she had the body of a Baywatch extra but was forced to seek pleasure from a large rubber appendage.

After my utter shock and horror, a few hours later I decided to look at the other websites from my admirers, and then the conspiracy ball started rolling. You see all the websites went to the same page, with the naked Baywatch extra forever digging with her buzzing shovel, stuck in a cruel infinite loop.

Now coincidences are like reliable Fords, they just don’t exist. I realised that I was being targeted by the “hot young european womens league” and they were playing dirty. Their agenda was obvious, they wanted me to join their “hot young european lonely womens webcam group” I was actually extremely flattered by the time and effort they had taken to plan such a strategic attempt at making me a customer but seriously. How on earth would I explain those credit card charges?

I never visited the Lonely Womens Club again but I still had a lingering thought. What was it that made a photo of a 90s Muscle car a red alert for all of Europe’s finest to try and entice me down a long line of questionable credit card charges?

Are these cars exclusively driven by lonely men in dire need of companionship? Are they all just notorious perverts? Or could it be something simpler. Maybe these ladies saw the car and thought mmm that must be driven by a man.

Let’s give him what he wants.