Well like many of you, I watched the new series of Top Gear debut on BBC2 Sunday night/Monday Morning NZ Time and I’m not going to beat around the bush, it was utter garbage.

I think we all watched with a morbid curiosity to see how much worse than the Clarkson era version it would be, but I genuinely don’t think we expected it to be as bad as it was.

I struggled to watch the full 60 minutes. Almost everything wrong with it was due to Chris Evans as I predicted, and the only thing slightly right with it was Matt LeBlanc as I predicted. see http://hoonzee.com/why-i-might-give-old-top-gear-a-chance/

Mr Shouty McShout Face, did Evan’s think we were all deaf? was he trying to act so overly excited in the hope it would rub off on the clearly bored studio audience? Who knows? all we do know is it was bizarre behavior, and it didn’t stop in the studio. Whilst appearing in the various films all he did was shout and scream, I was looking forward to his thoughts on the Viper ACR, didn’t get that, all we got was a lot of noise, 3 facts read from the brochure, and an attempt at a Clarkson style metaphor, “rustycrow bar something”. Then pointlessly strapped with decorative missiles he proceeded to outdrive a pro racing driver in Sabine Schmitt by putting on the brakes and stopping.

Speaking of the Films, they were largely terrible, save for the solo effort by Matt when he reviewed the Arial Nomad in Morroco where he actually did a decent review which was entertaining, light hearted and he appeared to be enjoying himself. The films with Evan’s in them when he wasn’t shouting were just boring, The Reliant trip to Blackpool was mind numbingly dull, my drive to work would make better TV, nothing happened! Once in Blackpool they then swapped the Reliant’s for a Landrover Series 1 and a Willies Jeep. This looked more promising but then they just did a series of pointless challenges which achieved nothing, proved nothing and left me scratching my head, like a speed test, and a tug of war in sand where they both just predictably bogged down and got stuck.

Back to the Studio, and in came the hostages, I mean guests – Gordon Ramsey and Jessie Eisenberg. The normally funny and spontaneous Ramsey looked like a hostage. Were the producers holding his family at gun-point? something was seriously amiss here. The two guests proceeded to read intro’s off a teleprompter, then Ramsey did some not so stealth marketing for Ferrari, a big no-no I would think on the publically funded BBC. Eisenberg didn’t even know what a car was, had no interest in cars and couldn’t even fake an interest in being there, Evans as an interviewer was non-existent, all he did was try to elicit some cheers from the crowd to find out which was better in the mismatch of Ramseys La-Ferrari, or Eisenberg’s Honda Accord.

As it wound up, I took the time to reflect on things, Top Gear – the dear old friend that had been with me for the last 13 years was simply gone, a sterile imposter in its place, devoid of humour, charisma, chemistry and old school British rebellion that made the original so good. Top Gear UK is a dud, and it brings me no pleasure in saying so. The Removal of Evan’s and teaming of LeBlanc, Rory and Chris Harris could possibly redeem things moving forward, otherwise let it die, its over. Bring on the Grand Tour, I can’t wait.